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Check out my science fiction series - The Fall of the Altairan Empire

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Tuesday Teaser

This is the beginning of a background story on some characters in my novel, Nexus Point. The story will eventually end up on the series website as a free read, so let me know if you like it. Some days I'm so close to the trees, I have no idea what the forest is like.

Paltronis paced the narrow cell. The old-fashioned bars mocked her, closing her off from her dreams. The whole fight was stupid, she could admit that, but the satisfaction of beating the smirk from the faces of Jevis and his friends almost made it worthwhile. Almost, if Commander Haywarth didn't kick her out of the Academy. She rubbed the sleeves of her cadet uniform. She'd made it three years without an incident. The fight with Jevis was her fifth in the last two months, enough to land her behind bars instead of just detention. Or maybe it was the number of broken bones she'd left behind this time.
    Jevis had it coming. She caught him extorting money from other cadets, running his own illegal gambling ring. He'd thrown the first punch, but the fight had given his friend time to hide the evidence. Jevis was in the infirmary as the injured party to the whole affair.
    Paltronis kicked the bars in frustration. The resulting pain only soured her mood further.
    The outer door clanked open. The warden stepped in, giving her a cold stare. "You have a visitor. Be civil, if you have any sense at all." He moved aside, letting the visitor pass. "Last warning," he said as he left the cell block.
    The man stopped just outside the bars of her cell, studying her with dark eyes. His face was a mask, giving nothing away.
    She planted her feet, crossing her arms over her chest. She couldn't help the belligerent set of her face. The man's black uniform and insignia scared her. An officer of the Enforcers meant her situation was fast descending into dangerous territory involving criminal charges, not just expulsion.
    He stood motionless, just watching.
    Paltronis fidgeted, waiting for him to speak. Nervous twitches crawled over her skin. The man was tall, looming over her short, stocky frame without even trying. She looked away, unable to hold his stare.
    "Did they send you to press charges or just scare me with the seriousness of the situation?" She studied his face, the one that could have been used for recruitment posters, except it was too cold, like stone. "I know the Commander won't believe me, but Jevis had it coming. He and his friends are running a gambling ring and stealing from the other cadets."
    The man's lip twitched.
    "What do you want me to say? I'm sorry? Because I'm not." She set her chin.
    His impassive expression didn't change.
    "And the other fights? They had it coming, too." She shifted her weight. "Well? Just tell me how much trouble I'm in."
    His relaxed stance didn't mesh with the seriousness of the situation. Maybe he wasn't there to punish her. And maybe space was full of happy little fishies singing happy little songs. She studied him through the bars, trying to guess his motives.
    Silence stretched in the almost empty cell block. Paltronis fidgeted with her sleeves, wishing he'd say something. He wasn't much older than she was, much too young to be an officer, which meant he either came from lots of old money or he was very, very good. She couldn't guess which. He was impossible to read.
    He extracted a mem sheet from his pocket, passing it through the bars.
    Paltronis took it, pinching the lower corner to activate it. She frowned, expecting legal documents. She stared at the page in confusion. "Floor plans?"
    "If you were to assassinate someone in that building, how would you do it?" His voice was deep, smooth and as emotionless as his face.
    "I'm not an assassin." She snapped the mem sheet closed, shoving it back through the bars.
    "You scored very high in tactics. Prove it." He didn't take the mem sheet.
    She watched his face as she opened the paper again. "You're trying to prevent the attack."
    He nodded.


  1. Clean and nice, eh? Okay, Jaleta, here goes. Loved the story, especially the twist at the end and very much want to know more about the assassination, so, good job. (That was the 'nice'.)

    My reading self kept being derailed by your use of the word 'situation' to describe her situation and the word 'serious' to denote the seriousness of same. Thought after re-reading that you could use other words the second time around. (That is the 'clean'. As in maybe you could clean it up. Your call, of course.)

    Keep it up the good work. I'll be watching for more.



  2. Thanks, Doug. This is a rough draft of the story. I'll make a note about the words to check later when I'm editing. I appreciate your input.


Keep it clean, keep it nice.