I spent the weekend in Dallas TX at FenCon. I had a marvelous time- lots of friendly people, lots of fun, lots of men in kilts *giggle*, and lots of other stuff. The theme was mad science, so here's some rules for you mad scientists out there.
1. If you are an evil mad scientist and plan to take over the world, do not announce this in a room full of heroes. Keep your evil plans secret until your minions are in place. That way you can destroy all the heroes at the same time, before they have a chance to stop you.
2. Mad scientists can work for the good side without a loss of too much dignity. Life expectancy is much higher if you work for a hero creating gadgets because you rarely have to leave your secret lab.
3. Mad scientists are required to have crazy hair or be completely bald. Hair gel or cheap wigs can be used to great effect, just watch out for that bunsen burner. Burning hair is quite entertaining--on someone else.
4. If you are a scientist but not mad yet, you can either work at a daycare center until you go crazy or you can get involved in local politics, depending on which definition of mad you are trying to achieve.
5. Wear a white labcoat if you want everyone to know you are a scientist. With the hair from #4, no one will be able to mistake you for any other occupation. If you really want to make sure, add funky protective goggles and gloves to your ensemble, then cackle madly.
6. You must practice your evil laugh. Everyone knows mad scientists must use their evil laugh at every opportunity. It can range from a demented chuckle to a bass "Mwuhahahahaha!" Rubbing your hands is also compulsory.
7. Mad scientists must have an entire lab full of strange bubbling beakers and colorful liquids. Things such as assorted body parts, strange electrical devices, rats, and hunchback assistants only add to the general atmosphere. Most can be acquired from your local supermart for a decent price. They tend to be on clearance in the spring.
8. Don't bother getting a science degree. Universities tend to focus more on real science and less on aesthetics. Everyone knows that mad scientists don't actually do any science. See the above 7 rules if you have questions.
Good luck on your mad science projects!
Showing posts with label etiquette. Show all posts
Showing posts with label etiquette. Show all posts
Monday, September 20, 2010
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Convention Etiquette for Barbarian Warriors
I just returned from another SF/F con (SpoCon in Spokane - great fun and great people!), so to continue my theme of etiquette posts after each convention, here's one for the barbarian heroes out there.
1. It is unnecessary to enter rooms by kicking in doors with weapons drawn. Most people at a con are very friendly. However, entering rooms in such a dramatic manner may get you applause. It may also get you evicted. Choose your entry manner wisely.
2. The wearing of real animal skins is no longer politically acceptable. Substituting stuffed animal skins is perfectly fine. The soft fuzziness is also much more comfortable. But DO NOT, under any circumstances, hunt and kill stuffed animals present at the con. Try hunting at your local thrift store beforehand.
3. Building fires and roasting freshly caught game are time-honored barbarian customs. Please don't do it in your hotel room or in convention spaces, unless such spaces are pre-approved for barbecue usage. And the game you just caught? If it meows or answers to a name like "Fluffy," it may be time to leave before the cute little old lady with the 50 pound purse finds out.
Have fun at your next convention. I know I will - FenCon in September. Will Texas survive a visit from me? Tune in next month to find out.
1. It is unnecessary to enter rooms by kicking in doors with weapons drawn. Most people at a con are very friendly. However, entering rooms in such a dramatic manner may get you applause. It may also get you evicted. Choose your entry manner wisely.
2. The wearing of real animal skins is no longer politically acceptable. Substituting stuffed animal skins is perfectly fine. The soft fuzziness is also much more comfortable. But DO NOT, under any circumstances, hunt and kill stuffed animals present at the con. Try hunting at your local thrift store beforehand.
3. Building fires and roasting freshly caught game are time-honored barbarian customs. Please don't do it in your hotel room or in convention spaces, unless such spaces are pre-approved for barbecue usage. And the game you just caught? If it meows or answers to a name like "Fluffy," it may be time to leave before the cute little old lady with the 50 pound purse finds out.
Have fun at your next convention. I know I will - FenCon in September. Will Texas survive a visit from me? Tune in next month to find out.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Convention Etiquette for Vampires
I just returned from ConDuit, which was great fun. I'm also dead tired. So here, straight from the dungeons of my brain, come some rules if you happen to be a vampire at a SF/F con:
1. NO SPARKLING IN PUBLIC! This labels you as an emo vampire. You will be nailed to the nearest wall for humiliation, shame, and mockery if you admit your status as a sparkly fairy-vamp. Either that, or you will be sold as a Barbie slave.
2. No sucking up to guests, unless they invite you. I know you're hungry and the hospitality suite just doesn't stock much B-, but use a little restraint. Most guests don't want to be stalked by rabid fans or hungry vampires. Those that do, will let you know their preferences.
3. Don't worry about sunlight. Most cons take place in hotels that shun any hint of daylight. The vast majority of rooms have no windows. Those that do are heavily draped in light-blocking curtains. If you do catch a stray beam, blame the smoking on special-effects. Otherwise you may be sent outside to smoke since hotels are normally smoke-free zones. This would be bad, very bad.
4. Did I mention NO SPARKLING? Most SF/F fans prefer their vampires traditional. Keep the sparkling a secret or you will suffer.
5. Don't worry about being yourself in public. Let your fangs show. Wear your silk waistcoat. Most con attendees appreciate good make-up and wardrobes. They will never suspect yours are not fakes.
6. Let your hair down a little. Cons don't stand on much formality. You can really cut loose at an SF/F con. They will appreciate your wit and style. Or they might mock you mercilessly. Flash your fangs a few times and quote Dracula and you should be fine.
7. Relax and enjoy yourself. Use the con as a break from your usual routine of intimidation, fear-mongering, and seducing susceptible young maidens with the IQ's of potato chips. Have a stimulating conversation with other attendees on the merits of horror fiction or space travel or the eternal question of "boxers or briefs". You might be surprised at the insights you receive.
8. Finally, NO SPARKLING! Really. Don't even try.
1. NO SPARKLING IN PUBLIC! This labels you as an emo vampire. You will be nailed to the nearest wall for humiliation, shame, and mockery if you admit your status as a sparkly fairy-vamp. Either that, or you will be sold as a Barbie slave.
2. No sucking up to guests, unless they invite you. I know you're hungry and the hospitality suite just doesn't stock much B-, but use a little restraint. Most guests don't want to be stalked by rabid fans or hungry vampires. Those that do, will let you know their preferences.
3. Don't worry about sunlight. Most cons take place in hotels that shun any hint of daylight. The vast majority of rooms have no windows. Those that do are heavily draped in light-blocking curtains. If you do catch a stray beam, blame the smoking on special-effects. Otherwise you may be sent outside to smoke since hotels are normally smoke-free zones. This would be bad, very bad.
4. Did I mention NO SPARKLING? Most SF/F fans prefer their vampires traditional. Keep the sparkling a secret or you will suffer.
5. Don't worry about being yourself in public. Let your fangs show. Wear your silk waistcoat. Most con attendees appreciate good make-up and wardrobes. They will never suspect yours are not fakes.
6. Let your hair down a little. Cons don't stand on much formality. You can really cut loose at an SF/F con. They will appreciate your wit and style. Or they might mock you mercilessly. Flash your fangs a few times and quote Dracula and you should be fine.
7. Relax and enjoy yourself. Use the con as a break from your usual routine of intimidation, fear-mongering, and seducing susceptible young maidens with the IQ's of potato chips. Have a stimulating conversation with other attendees on the merits of horror fiction or space travel or the eternal question of "boxers or briefs". You might be surprised at the insights you receive.
8. Finally, NO SPARKLING! Really. Don't even try.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Convention Etiquette for Zombies
I was on the zombies panel at Life, the Universe, & Everything last week. It inspired a few interesting thoughts, until my brains were devoured. I thought I'd share.
Etiquette rules for zombies attending conventions:
1. Do not eat the committee's brains. The committee members' brains have been so stressed by planning and executing the convention that they will taste over cooked and fried. Not tasty. Wait a week, THEN eat their brains.
2. Make sure your lips are glued on tightly before participating in a panel. Having your lips stick to the microphone when you pass it to your fellow panelists is a definite no-no in the manners book. Miss Manners would be so disappointed in you. Having them land in your water cup is also not appropriate.
3. Ditto for eyeballs.
4. Try not to shamble in the hallways. Most conventions have very crowded hallways. You may lose more than a few digits and appendages trying to shamble through the crowd. Of course, this may be intentional if you have many fans who want a piece of you.
5. Request plenty of rosemary for your brains at banquets. Most venues are happy to oblige. Rosemary also helps with "brain breath".
6. Prominently carry a copy of a literary classic such as Wuthering Heights or Little Women. People will assume you are cultured and civilized, making it much easier to eat their brains.
7. Always wear a bucket on your head. This will protect you from evil mind rays. Wait, you don't have a brain so they won't affect you. Wear it as a fashion statement instead.
8. Watch out for fruit and vegetable trays. Everyone knows that zombies and vegetable matter are like mixing jello with explosives. Both lose, and the mess is horrendous.
9. Finally, children under the age of 12 are NOT appropriate food sources. Go for the teenagers instead. No one will notice if their brains go missing.
Enjoy your next convention!
Etiquette rules for zombies attending conventions:
1. Do not eat the committee's brains. The committee members' brains have been so stressed by planning and executing the convention that they will taste over cooked and fried. Not tasty. Wait a week, THEN eat their brains.
2. Make sure your lips are glued on tightly before participating in a panel. Having your lips stick to the microphone when you pass it to your fellow panelists is a definite no-no in the manners book. Miss Manners would be so disappointed in you. Having them land in your water cup is also not appropriate.
3. Ditto for eyeballs.
4. Try not to shamble in the hallways. Most conventions have very crowded hallways. You may lose more than a few digits and appendages trying to shamble through the crowd. Of course, this may be intentional if you have many fans who want a piece of you.
5. Request plenty of rosemary for your brains at banquets. Most venues are happy to oblige. Rosemary also helps with "brain breath".
6. Prominently carry a copy of a literary classic such as Wuthering Heights or Little Women. People will assume you are cultured and civilized, making it much easier to eat their brains.
7. Always wear a bucket on your head. This will protect you from evil mind rays. Wait, you don't have a brain so they won't affect you. Wear it as a fashion statement instead.
8. Watch out for fruit and vegetable trays. Everyone knows that zombies and vegetable matter are like mixing jello with explosives. Both lose, and the mess is horrendous.
9. Finally, children under the age of 12 are NOT appropriate food sources. Go for the teenagers instead. No one will notice if their brains go missing.
Enjoy your next convention!
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