What a Dream I Had

I had the weirdest dream last night about weather stripping, buying a house, zombies, third grade male teachers, and Minecraft. Here are the lessons I learned from my dream:

1. Never rent an apartment in an old basement with rotted wooden steps leading into the ancient tunnel system. You never know what might be down there.

2. If you do rent such an apartment, use lots of weather stripping under the door leading to the steps because everyone knows that rodents, like raccoons, can squeeze through a gap less than an inch high. (This was a dream, it doesn't always have to make sense.)

3. Never buy a big house that backs onto BLM land, especially a big mountain that has a cursed mine practically in your backyard.

4. The mine was a red herring. It was the safest place to be. I wasn't there during the next bit of my dream.

5. Zombie-ism is transmitted through bites like rabies. In fact, it resembles rabies.

6. The cure for a zombie bite is anti-fungal powder, spiderwebs, and Neosporin ointment. Douse the bite liberally with those three, wrap it in a clean hankie, and take two ibuprofen. You'll be all better in the morning.

7. If you get caught outside during a zombie outbreak, stand really still and quiet and they'll lose interest in you. Whatever you do, DO NOT SCREAM.

8. Abandoned cars are a good place to hide, provided you can get under the seats and stay really quiet. If you have several people in there with you, you'll stay nice and warm.

9. Keep your dog with you during the outbreak because they can become zombies, too. Cats are too angry to become zombies.

10. Lighting candles and singing nursery rhymes attracts zombies, but it also lulls them into a stupor. If you can keep it up until it snows, you'll be fine.

12. Snow kills zombies. Just hope the zombie outbreak happens the first day of the deer hunt because it always snows that first night.

13. During the zombie outbreak, watch out for third grade male teachers trying to entertain the boys from their classes. Seeing grown men sing happy songs about Minecraft is more than a little creepy, worse than being eaten by a zombie.

Very interesting dream and very educational. My imagination is working overtime. It must be trying to tell me to write some zombie stories and quit playing Minecraft. Excuse me while I add several inches of weatherstripping to my basement door...

Book Review - Rotting Tales: A Zombie Anthology

Isn't this a lovely image? It's the cover art for the anthology. The call for submissions explained it. The cover art was for a different zombie book that never happened. The publisher, Pill Hill Press, loved it enough they wanted to use it. So they put out a call for subs asking for stories inspired by the cover art.

The resulting stories range from silly to disturbing to horrific. Most are quite short, only a couple of pages. The variety of stories inspired by the same picture is remarkable. A picture is truly worth a thousand words, or about 60,000 in this case.

I'm not usually a fan of anthologies. This one only had two stories I skipped. There are a few with lots of profanity, but the majority of them are well-written and enjoyable. Most of them are disturbing, but it's a zombie anthology. You expect disturbing stories about the dead rising and eating the living. They don't disappoint in that regard.

My story, Always a Bridesmaid, is light-hearted and silly. I meant it to be that way. That's how I tackle horror. I find a way to laugh with it and gentle it. Brother Barry had me laughing out loud. I loved A Willing Ear. Not everything has to be serious when it's creepy.

Overall, Rotting Tales is a fun take on zombies with a lot of great stories. If you like zombies, not sparkly love-hunky ones but gooey rotting corpses, this book is full of them. It's another great read from Pill Hill Press.

From Amazon:  http://www.amazon.com/Rotting-Tales-Zombie-Anthology-Roberts/dp/1617060437/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1289180117&sr=1-1

From the publisher: http://www.pillhillpress.com/shoppe-anthologies.html  (scroll down to Rotting Tales)

Thursday Recipe - Stuffed Zucchini

I'm noticing a trend with my recipes. Almost every one I post is a dessert. I love desserts, cookies especially. I also love fresh produce, picked from my backyard. But I discovered several years ago that I have a black thumb. I kill plants just by looking at them. This year, we have tomatoes, peppers, radishes, beans, eggplant, and popcorn. I think it's because I had nothing to do with planting them. My youngest daughter did. She can charm anything.

The one thing we can't get to grow in our yard is zucchini. My neighbors think I'm weird when I go begging for their extra zucchini. If you've ever grown it, you understand. Forget the zombie apocalypse; it's the zucchini apocalypse I'm worried about!

Anyway, here's one of my favorite ways to cook those really big zucchini you always find the day after you just picked the plants clean.

Stuffed Zucchini

1 large zucchini (at least 12 inches long)
2 T. real butter, melted
1 t. garlic salt
4 c. garlic croutons
1 c. sharp cheddar cheese, coarsely grated

Split zucchini lengthwise and scoop out seeds. Discard the seeds. Line a baking sheet with foil and place the zucchini, cut side up, on the sheet. Brush zucchini halves with butter and sprinkle with garlic salt. Bake at 400° for 15 minutes, until squash begins to soften.

Meanwhile, lightly crush croutons until they are coarse crumbs. Toss croutons and cheese together. Fill the centers of the zucchini, mounding filling onto the cut sides of the squash. Bake another 15 - 20 minutes until the squash is tender and cheese is melted.

Slice each half into 6 - 8 pieces to serve. The skin of such a large squash may be too tough to eat, but the rest is delicious.

Book review - Monster Hunter International, Larry Correia

Warning: This post is written under the influence of a migraine and allergy medication. If it sounds loopy, it's because the author definitely is.

I met Larry Correia at a local con recently. He's a nice guy. A total gun nut, but still a very nice guy. In many ways, he resembles the main character in his novel, Owen Pitt.

Monster Hunter isn't the kind of book I usually pick up. It involves the undead. But since they are basically cannon fodder for the book, I decided to buy a copy off him and try it. Did I mention Larry is a really nice guy? (And, no, he isn't paying me to say that. Not yet, anyway.) I added the book to my tottering WTR (want to read) and HTBR (have to be read) piles. I'm happy to say his book landed in the first category. Then, life happened.

My husband picked up the book and asked me if it was good. I said, "I don't know, I haven't read it yet. But Larry is a nice guy." My husband read the book in one weekend. Considering he dumps books he doesn't like by page 50, it was a good sign.

So I finally read the book over the weekend. Very fun read. Lots of monster slaughter happens, usually with heavy firepower, but the story is more than just pasting various undead with large-bore silver ammo then burning them with grenade launchers. Larry manages to create hordes of mindless undead that make sense. Their creator has a purpose for them and the world that nobody with any brains is going to like.

Monster Hunter International could have devolved into the usual zombie/vampire gore novel with big guns and hot women, but it doesn't. The writing is a bit clunky at times, but this is his first book and the story carries it past the minor flaws. Owen Pitt is engaging, fun, sweet in a weird way, and somehow carries an air of innocence total incongruous with his skills of mass destruction.

The ending leaves the story open to a definite sequel, which I have to admit, I'm looking forward to reading. If you like quirky characters, piles of undead carcasses, massive firepower, and gun talk, check out Monster Hunter International by Larry Correia. You'll only be sorry if you actually *like* vampires, zombies, litches, etc. (They die, a LOT!)

Life Lessons from Video Games

I'm not much of a gamer. I rarely play video games, especially the newer ones. It's normally a one-way trip to motion sickness and migraine territory. Some titles are just irresistible though, Plants vs. Zombies being the prime exception. For years, I was a Tetris addict. I just couldn't get enough of the game. I was good, too. My kids still haven't wiped my high scores off the board.

Tetris taught me important life skills. Ha! you say. Let me prove it. What is Tetris, really? Visual manipulation of objects. I use that skill every week at the grocery store. I can pack a cart so full, it requires two carts to get the bagged groceries out of the store. And you should see me at Costco where almost everything comes in a nice, 90 degree corner box. Unfortunately, it's not a skill in high demand.

I can pack ten people and all their gear for a week-long trip into a 15 passenger van and still have room to breathe. Another life skill I blame on Tetris. (Why would you do that? you ask. Are you a tour guide or travel planner? Nope. I have eight kids. We do go on vacation occasionally but not often. It requires too much logistics. Troop movements, except my troops don't follow orders very often.)

I can also protect my brains from zombies using frozen watermelons, but that doesn't seem to be a high demand skill either. Not until the zombie apocalypse.

Convention Etiquette for Zombies

I was on the zombies panel at Life, the Universe, & Everything last week. It inspired a few interesting thoughts, until my brains were devoured. I thought I'd share.

Etiquette rules for zombies attending conventions:

1. Do not eat the committee's brains. The committee members' brains have been so stressed by planning and executing the convention that they will taste over cooked and fried. Not tasty. Wait a week, THEN eat their brains.

2. Make sure your lips are glued on tightly before participating in a panel. Having your lips stick to the microphone when you pass it to your fellow panelists is a definite no-no in the manners book. Miss Manners would be so disappointed in you. Having them land in your water cup is also not appropriate.

3. Ditto for eyeballs.

4. Try not to shamble in the hallways. Most conventions have very crowded hallways. You may lose more than a few digits and appendages trying to shamble through the crowd. Of course, this may be intentional if you have many fans who want a piece of you.

5. Request plenty of rosemary for your brains at banquets. Most venues are happy to oblige. Rosemary also helps with "brain breath".

6. Prominently carry a copy of a literary classic such as Wuthering Heights or Little Women. People will assume you are cultured and civilized, making it much easier to eat their brains.

7. Always wear a bucket on your head. This will protect you from evil mind rays. Wait, you don't have a brain so they won't affect you. Wear it as a fashion statement instead.

8. Watch out for fruit and vegetable trays. Everyone knows that zombies and vegetable matter are like mixing jello with explosives. Both lose, and the mess is horrendous.

9. Finally, children under the age of 12 are NOT appropriate food sources. Go for the teenagers instead. No one will notice if their brains go missing.

Enjoy your next convention!