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Wednesday, October 12, 2011

What a Dream I Had

I had the weirdest dream last night about weather stripping, buying a house, zombies, third grade male teachers, and Minecraft. Here are the lessons I learned from my dream:

1. Never rent an apartment in an old basement with rotted wooden steps leading into the ancient tunnel system. You never know what might be down there.

2. If you do rent such an apartment, use lots of weather stripping under the door leading to the steps because everyone knows that rodents, like raccoons, can squeeze through a gap less than an inch high. (This was a dream, it doesn't always have to make sense.)

3. Never buy a big house that backs onto BLM land, especially a big mountain that has a cursed mine practically in your backyard.

4. The mine was a red herring. It was the safest place to be. I wasn't there during the next bit of my dream.

5. Zombie-ism is transmitted through bites like rabies. In fact, it resembles rabies.

6. The cure for a zombie bite is anti-fungal powder, spiderwebs, and Neosporin ointment. Douse the bite liberally with those three, wrap it in a clean hankie, and take two ibuprofen. You'll be all better in the morning.

7. If you get caught outside during a zombie outbreak, stand really still and quiet and they'll lose interest in you. Whatever you do, DO NOT SCREAM.

8. Abandoned cars are a good place to hide, provided you can get under the seats and stay really quiet. If you have several people in there with you, you'll stay nice and warm.

9. Keep your dog with you during the outbreak because they can become zombies, too. Cats are too angry to become zombies.

10. Lighting candles and singing nursery rhymes attracts zombies, but it also lulls them into a stupor. If you can keep it up until it snows, you'll be fine.

12. Snow kills zombies. Just hope the zombie outbreak happens the first day of the deer hunt because it always snows that first night.

13. During the zombie outbreak, watch out for third grade male teachers trying to entertain the boys from their classes. Seeing grown men sing happy songs about Minecraft is more than a little creepy, worse than being eaten by a zombie.

Very interesting dream and very educational. My imagination is working overtime. It must be trying to tell me to write some zombie stories and quit playing Minecraft. Excuse me while I add several inches of weatherstripping to my basement door...