Celebrations and Ceremonies

Today is my mother-in-law's funeral. It's also my brother's birthday. Both have me thinking about milestones and the way we mark them.

The older I get, the more complicated my feelings about birthdays. Remember being a kid? Your birthday was almost as big as Christmas. My parents weren't big on parties or presents, but I usually got a cake. My birthday was supposed to be my special day. Most of them were a big disappointment. We were either at a family reunion where I had to share my cake and candles with several aunts, cousins, and other relatives or something else obnoxious happened. I had my tonsils out right before my twelfth birthday. By the time I could eat cake, it was long gone. These days, each birthday is a reminder that I'm not getting younger.

Funerals are a tricky subject. For my husband's mother, it will be a celebration of a life well lived and a woman well loved. Because of my faith and my religion, death isn't a final ending. It's only another step in our journey of existence. But the funeral isn't for the deceased, it's for the family and the friends. It's a way to find closure. It's a necessary step in grieving.

Another common milestone in life is marriage. Many societies also have a coming of age ceremony to celebrate the passage of a person from childhood to adulthood. Without these milestones, we may become lost, anchorless. These help provide the framework for a social structure, the basis for many traditions.

What are some of your favorite traditions or celebrations? Have you created a set for your fiction stories? Are there traditions in fiction books that bother you? What and why?

A Valentine's Post

This is late. I've spent too long at work and doing the mom thing today and I really wanted to spend time to write a really great post. You see, it's my 25th anniversary today. I've been married to the same man for the last 25 years. I really hope we make it another 25.

Valentine's Day is all about romance, the heart-pounding chocolate'n'flowers kind of romance. Hollywood romance where fireworks go off when you kiss. Or is it? True romance is more than kissing, more than expensive gifts, more than butterflies in your belly when you hold hands. True romance lasts through sleepless nights and cleaning up kid vomit four times in the middle of the night and changing diapers for nineteen straight years. True romance sees past the extra weight and wrinkles to the soul inside. True romance is part commitment, part stubbornness, part friendship, and yes, part butterflies-in-the-belly. True romance is in it for the long haul, not just until the fireworks are over.

Marriage is tough. It requires a lot of work and a lot of dedication. But it's worth the struggle and the effort. It's worth the tears and trials. I trust my husband implicitly. He's my sweetheart and my best friend. He's my support when no one else will listen or understand. He's not perfect, but then, neither am I.

The most romantic thing he ever said to me? I have to set this one up.

Picture a chilly early spring evening. The kids are finally in bed, all five of them. I'm eight months pregnant and feeling huge. I'm dressed in my ratty old flannel granny gown. He looks at me as I'm brushing my teeth and says, "Do you know how beautiful you are?" My first response was to tell him to put his glasses back on, but I stifled it in time. He meant every word and it touched me more than a dozen roses or poetry or even ten pounds of chocolate. He makes me feel beautiful, even when the world tells me I'm not.

So, to my valentine today, may we spend another twenty-five years together. And may we find happiness in each one.

Good Things Happen

It's been a long weekend, but a wonderful one. My daughter got married Saturday. One down, seven more to go. My parents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary Sunday. I finally checked my email late Sunday night to find more good news. I sold another story to an anthology and I was awarded this:

Thanks to Ruth E. Day for the award. Here's her post.
I'll save the rest of the award stuff for later, I'm still recovering!

I've been thinking a lot about marriage lately, for obvious reasons. I'm closing in on my 25th anniversary next February. I'm more in love with my husband now than I was then. He's my best friend. I can share anything with him. That doesn't happen automatically. It requires effort and commitment, and a lot of patience.

So here's my two bits of marriage advice.
1. Marriage requires more than love, it requires commitment. If you truly want a lasting marriage, you're going to have to work at keeping it together. It's worth it.
2. An old Irish blessing states, "Let there be spaces in your togetherness." True love does not require that you spend every second of every day for the rest of eternity watching each other breathe. It does not require that you both love the same things. Give your spouse space to be an individual as well as your partner. Let the wind blow between you occasionally. True love fosters trust and integrity. Those times apart can help renew your relationship.

I have to talk about writing in here somewhere, I am an author, too. I quit reading romances for two reasons. They end before the relationship really gets interesting and more and more, they are anti-marriage. I believe deeply in the institution of marriage. It is a good thing. I also enjoy a good romance. My series has a romance as a major subplot. It's not just about falling in love, it's about building a relationship that can withstand trouble. It's about trust and family and friendship.

Okay. Enough of being Dear Abby. I'll think of something silly for next week's post. Humor is a necessary part of life.