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Monday, March 10, 2014

Roadkill Cats

I saw a cat splayed out on the side of the road on my way to work Tuesday morning. It was still there Saturday morning. I thought, how sad for that poor cat; hit by a car and left lying on the side of the road. If it isn't there tomorrow morning, I'll wonder what happened over the weekend.

Maybe it was cleaned up by animal control or the people who live in the house nearby. Maybe they gave it a short service and buried it under a tree in the yard. Maybe they wrapped it in expensive cloth and spices and rubbed it with oils and in four thousand years, some archaeologist will dig it up and decide that we worshipped cats and this one was mummified because it was special.

Maybe it was eaten by coyotes or raccoons. Perhaps they developed a massive case of indigestion and threw up in some person's garage where their dog ate it again. Then the dog threw up in the basement and now the dead cat is a giant twice-regurgitated hairball that will transform into a creeping mass of putrescent evil that will crawl up through the floorboards some night and suck their brains out of their eye sockets.

Or perhaps the cat is risen from the dead, transformed into a creature of the night who feasts upon the flesh and blood of the living. Dracu-cat lives!

Maybe it will flatten out into a shape that resembles to 'plus' signs - ++ - head out one side, tail out the other, and two legs pointing out on each side. Then when it's flat enough and dry enough, you could peel it up and use it as a sail-cat. Give it a spin of the wrist and send it flying through the air like a frisbee. This is one way to remember that cations are positive and anions are negative. Cations make sailcats that look like plusses. Anions are evil, like onions and ogres. They have layers.

I think I need more sleep and fewer roadkill cats.