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Monday, November 15, 2010

Monday Writing Tips

Today's column is an excerpt of an article written by Nestor Maronski. He threatened to beat me with my own book if I didn't post it.

1. Don't write when you aren't in the mood. This ensures that you will never actually write much of anything. According to quite a few people I've heard from lately, this will make the world a better place. We need fewer writers who think their plebian, stale assemblage of words are worth reading. If you must, let your dog read your writing. He'll appreciate it much more than the rest of the world.

2. Write only with a very dull crayon on large pieces of newsprint. Writing real stories is something that should only be left to professionals, like Shakespeare and Jane Austen. You might hurt yourself.

3. Everything worth reading has already been written. Why should we care what happened to YOU or what YOU think of anything? Writing is not about YOU, the author, writing is about ME, the critic.

4. If you do manage to create a story that somehow, through a major miracle, is published, don't ask me to read it. I'm sure it's drivel because the entire publishing industry is full of moronic editors and writers who think we need new books to read. We don't. We have the classics.

That's enough, Mr. Maronski. With tongue firmly in cheek, I say, ignore his advice. Let your inner creative spirit soar. Write that book you've been meaning to. And don't let anyone else tell you differently. This is your chance to create something uniquely yours. Whether you pursue a career or not is your choice. Do it for your inner creative genius.

Speaking of submitting, I'm still looking for stories featuring wild and evil tumbleweeds. Information and ideas are all here:

Send them in! Submission deadline is December 31.

Psst - find out more about Nestor Maronski at this site.


  1. You forgot to add "Never write without a proper writer's hat on." Finding a good hat is a serious business and requires a lot of searching. Don't be afraid to take a lifetime. The right hat is out there somewhere.

  2. Nestor does not believe in hats. They are for ninnies. But if you must have a writer's hat, by all means, search for one. You will still produce mediocre drivel.

    Nestor needs his face slapped a few times. Any volunteers? Wait, line up! I'm first.

    *cheeky grin*

  3. I read aloud to my dog. She is spellbound by every word. (especially if I happen to be holding cheese)

    Great post, Jaleta!

  4. Oh, Nestor, you are a sore spot in my life for sure. Today, just for you Nestor, I will write whether I am in the mood or not. I will do so using my keyboard and I will send my words out over the Internet, where they can never truly be deleted. Then Jaleta and I will hold you down and force you to read the words on the screen, while Joel beats you with said keyboard.

    Jaleta, my sympathies to you for having to display Nestor's words on your blog. You handled him quite well. :)

  5. He insisted on sharing his words of wisdom with me. I don't think he's happy with the result. He's been abusing me on Twitter all week. Poor Maronski, he has no idea how Twitter works. :)


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