Today's column is an excerpt of an article written by Nestor Maronski. He threatened to beat me with my own book if I didn't post it.
1. Don't write when you aren't in the mood. This ensures that you will never actually write much of anything. According to quite a few people I've heard from lately, this will make the world a better place. We need fewer writers who think their plebian, stale assemblage of words are worth reading. If you must, let your dog read your writing. He'll appreciate it much more than the rest of the world.
2. Write only with a very dull crayon on large pieces of newsprint. Writing real stories is something that should only be left to professionals, like Shakespeare and Jane Austen. You might hurt yourself.
3. Everything worth reading has already been written. Why should we care what happened to YOU or what YOU think of anything? Writing is not about YOU, the author, writing is about ME, the critic.
4. If you do manage to create a story that somehow, through a major miracle, is published, don't ask me to read it. I'm sure it's drivel because the entire publishing industry is full of moronic editors and writers who think we need new books to read. We don't. We have the classics.
That's enough, Mr. Maronski. With tongue firmly in cheek, I say, ignore his advice. Let your inner creative spirit soar. Write that book you've been meaning to. And don't let anyone else tell you differently. This is your chance to create something uniquely yours. Whether you pursue a career or not is your choice. Do it for your inner creative genius.
Speaking of submitting, I'm still looking for stories featuring wild and evil tumbleweeds. Information and ideas are all here: http://wanderingweeds.blogspot.com/
Send them in! Submission deadline is December 31.
Psst - find out more about Nestor Maronski at this site.